Gospel of Extraversion

"Why weren't you at the activity last night?"

People in the Church seem to seem think there's something wrong when you don't want go to do all five billion activities that week because you'd rather spend some time alone.

Let's face it, the Church is built for extraverts by extraverts. Aside from a few select activities such as going to the temple (but not necessarily even then), pretty much everything in the Church is built around coercing people to interact with one another whether they want to or not. There's sort of a general attitude that keeping to yourself/not being incredibly outgoing is a sin—"It is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18) taken out of context.

So many programs are designed around this idea that everybody needs to be constantly interacting. Singles wards are the prime example in all ways that they operate. While most family wards have one or two activities a month (not including youth activities), singles wards have at least three a week if the ward leadership is doing things "correctly." (The only reason why family wards don't have this many activities is because the people in these wards have families.)

Home/visiting teaching, public speaking, expected interacting during lessons, dances, activities again—you get the idea. When new people show up the ward, they get bombarded by almost everybody, which probably overwhelms a handful of them into inactivity/not joining the Church. Even the temple, which is arguably the most introvert-friendly part of the Church, is not failsafe—think of every time you've been strongly encouraged to take other people with you when you go, not to mention ward/stake temple trips. (Some introverts, including one of the authors of this article, find they have their best temple experiences when they don't go with anybody else, since they aren't depending on anybody else's timetables or meeting up with people in the celestial room.)

It gets worse on missions. There's a prevailing expectation for you to be talking to everybody in every situation no matter what—the bus, grocery store, etc. etc. etc. etc.—while in many cases the better approach is to set a good example, work off of referrals, do service, and teach. There is a reason missionaries get a reputation for being pushy and obnoxious; non-members might shudder at the thought of interacting with them. While it's good for missionaries for friendly and positive, it's dangerous when missionaries (and members) praise one another for chasing people across the street to talk at them—people who crossed the street to avoid interacting with the missionaries in the first place! It violates a certain sense of respect for those who believe differently than we do; unless guided by the Spirit, chasing down people is probably not the best idea.

So next time you see somebody sitting in the corner by themselves at church, before following the prevailing attitude of marching over to them and bombarding them with small talk, pray for the gift of discernment. Perhaps the person is sitting alone for a reason. Besides, some other extravert will probably march over anyway.